A Question For The Ages

In the shower Tuesday morning, I made a startling discovery.

I discovered a small, tender spot. Accompanied by a tiny bump.

It was the bump I was the most concerned about further investigating.

My first thought (and I'm not proud of this) was of sheer panic. Then I thought of Arnold Schwarzenegger and calmed down.

It's not a tum-ah. It's not a tum-ah at all.

My next thought was "Really? On my arm?"

That immediately led me to think of little brother Randy in A Christmas Story.

"I can't put my arms down!"

At least my bump was small enough that I could put my arms down.

Then I realized that my bump was nothing more sinister than a pimple.

A zit.

That made me curious and so I conducted an informal text message poll amongst some lucky, lucky friends:

"Where is the weirdest place you've ever gotten a zit?"

I felt like Diane Sawyer asking the really tough questions.

Here are some of the responses I received:

Ear. That's a new one.

And the question was answered. Unlike this evasive response:

Methinks this person has a good zit story, but isn't ready to share. I shall check back in a few weeks.

Then I get an interesting response that, at first, tries to be evasive by accusing me (of all people) of being random, but at the end 'fesses up.

So far, I have learned little other than the discovery of an ear zit, how to be evasive in text form, and an accusation of being random (who? me?) but ultimately an answer of butt cheek.

Ear. Random. Butt cheek. Got it.

In my world, ear trumps bum. And yes, I actually gave it some serious thought.

But neither an ear nor a fanny is reason enough to call Dr. Oz.

Then we get to the good stuff.

Ahh … a crack of the elbow pimple. Now we're getting somewhere. Much weirder than the ear and the rear.

We need to examine two things about this response. One, raise your hand if you've ever heard it referred to as "the crack of your elbow?"

No hands are up as far as I can see. I didn't think so. I think someone just likes to use the word "crack".

Next, the elbow? That is weird and I need time to ponder it when I'm not so busy pondering my own medical anomalies.

So far, the elbow zit is in the lead. In ascending order: elbow, ear, tushie.

But however odd it may be, the elbow isn't quite the winner in this contest.

No, that distinguished honor goes to me for I found a zit in my … right arm pit.

That's right. I said it.

Arm. Pit.

Seriously.

Normally, I 'd be upset, but woo hoo! I win!

I thought about throwing my arms above my head and waving them all around yelling "I won! I won! I won!", but then you'd see my armpit zit.

And that would be grody.

Seeing it would be almost as grody as me telling you about it.

Sorry.

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