Friday, January 20, 2012

Winter Coats. Ugh.

After years of hating winter with a passion, I have finally decided what it is about winter that I don't like.

Yep. I finally put my finger on the problem. Here is my conclusion: I don't like winter because it is cold.

There. I said it.

Okay. That's not a big surprise. Winter is cold. Big woo. Upon further introspection, I've decided that it's not so much the cold per se that bothers me. I kinda like to cooler weather so I can throw on my very sexy zebra print Snuggie and not start to sweat, so it's not really the colder air temperatures.

It's the fact that I don't like to wear a coat. I really, really detest wearing a coat. The decision making that has to go into wearing a coat. Ugh.

Take the time to snap, zip, or buckle it or just wrap my arms tightly around my midsection to preserve the warmth?

Wear the short ski jacket and expose my heinie to the elements or wear the longer coat with the hole in the pocket?

Decisions, decisions.

And wearing a coat seriously hinders my 'in the car' dance moves. How can I possibly walk like an Egyptian with the Bangles at top volume on the radio when the puffy sleeves of my winter coat don't allow me to move my arms with any kind of grace or style?

It probably doesn't help matters much that my current winter coat is brown. Sure it's nice and fluffy and cozy and warm, but I look like a giant turd when wearing it. A 5'2" faux suede turd.

With severely limited car dance moves.

I thought that a jaunty red scarf would jazz up the coat a bit and distract from it's turd-like appearance.

Nope.

Instead I look like a giant turd with a jaunty red scarf.

Who has zero dance move ability.



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