Hmm … Either Make Moonshine Or Force A Cactus To Bloom

As I may have alluded earlier this week, I've been feeling under the weather. My point here is not to elicit sympathy, but to explain the circumstances that led me to spend several hours trying to force my Christmas cactus to bloom.

For the past several days, I've been feeling terrible but maintained a "suck it up, Nancy" mindset. Which was fine until Wednesday morning when my eyeballs felt hot. It was at this point that I decided to cancel everything and dedicate the entire day to getting over being sick.

Eyeballs afire will do that to a person.

I settled onto the couch, remote in one hand and a jumbo box of Kleenex in the other. I stayed in this position long enough to develop an intense adoration for the boys on Moonshiners (caught a marathon on Discovery Channel).

Deciding that watching more Moonshiners would only lead me to believe that I could build my own still and make a hundred grand selling jugs of white lightening in a single season, I shut off the TV and went in search of a more productive use of my time that would still, technically, not be illegal or strenuous enough to make my illness linger any longer.

Enter the Christmas cactus.

I've had this cactus for several years and I love her.

(Yes, it's most definitely a her. She clearly gives off a feminine vibe, which means she's either a girl or Richard Simmons in cactus form.)

My cactus is still very green and healthy looking, but I've realized that it has been a few years since she's bloomed. To be fair, the last time she bloomed was at Easter, not at Christmas. I think homegirl has some issues. But. This is going to be her year. I decreed 2012 as the Year of the Blooming Cactus.

Except that I don't know how to make a cactus bloom. Good thing Google knows.

As it turns out, it doesn't take much to make a cactus bloom. It mostly involves indirect sunlight and several hours of darkness every day. I think I can handle that. Of course, I might not be the best judge of what I can handle considering I spent several hours watching a grown man named Tickle make and run hootch all over southwestern Virginia.

Pretty sure at some point in his life, Tickle has felt like his eyeballs were on fire too.

The good news is that today I feel better and I'm ninety percent sure that (after just one day) my Christmas cactus has buds on it.

Not gonna lie, I kinda want to celebrate this occasion with a dirty mason jar of moonshine.

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