Six Things I Have Learned This Year, Plus One Thing I Learned But Kinda Forgot

The year is drawing to a close and I'm in a reflective mood this morning. As I sit here, in my red kitchen with the many, many windows, I am recounting all the activities, vacations, arguments, funny things, and major life events that occurred this year. And, incidentally, there are a few things I've learned this year and that is what I'd like to share with you.

Six Things I've learned in 2012:

1. This might be the greatest lesson that I learned in 2012. It's importance is so great that I'm listing it first, so listen up: If you must go for a run outside (and really, you should get out once in a while), listen to Sweden's greatest export, the band ABBA. Listening to ABBA just might save your life. After a close encounter with a psychotic deer, I am forever indebted to the ditty "Take A Chance On Me".

2. A high dollar, name brand vacuum is a truly wonderful thing to own (Target exclusive Dyson I'm looking at you), but only if you don't have to assemble it yourself minutes before a house full of people are due to arrive. Attempting to assemble it myself only reinforced three of my core beliefs. One: I am not mechanically inclined. Two: I am not a visual person. Three: Marry someone whose strengths are opposite of yours because life is all about balance and imagine how filthy your carpets would be if neither one of you could figure out how to assemble the friggin' vacuum.

3. If you ever find yourself in a CVS pharmacy buying razor blades, do not UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES put your hand in the display case in an effort to dislodge the blades that have unavoidably gotten stuck. Trust me. My arm had bruises for days. Days, man. Days.

Follow up: I saw Glenda last Sunday and she's doing well. Any idea why she follows me around the store offering to help me gather the items on my list? Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?

4. While there are a multitude of things that I am not good at doing (math, watching Silence of the Lambs without a Snuggie over my head, and pinball immediately spring to mind) there is one thing at which I excel. I am simply amazing at playing Connect 4. If Connect 4 were an Olympic sport (and really, why not?) I would be your gold medal winner. For seven straight Olympiad. You all would be watching me on NBC and shouting U-S-A! U-S-A! as I stand on the podium accepting my medal and awaiting Old Glory's ascent into the rafters.

5. Sometimes you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. This is how I am choosing to sum up my epic fail at bringing the term "foxy" back into style. Still, I think foxy has potential. Just yesterday at Macy's I told a guy that I thought the multi-pack of black, grey, and white crew socks was way foxier than the pack of all-white. After giving me a questioning look, he clutched the all-white package closer to his chest and headed to the check out, but who knows? Maybe 2013 will be the Year of Foxy.

6. It's best if you move your festive holiday centerpiece made of fresh cranberries off of your sun-laden kitchen table lest you inadvertently cook your berries. Three hurricane globes from Pier One full of soupy cranberries just doesn't say "Merry Christmas and welcome to my classy home!" quite as well as non-soupy cranberry filled globes. And fresh cranberries smell nicer than ones that have been festering in the sun for days.

The One Thing I Learned But Kinda Forgot And Have To Spend 2013 Relearning:

1. For the love of Target, if someone is talking about a movie that you haven't seen, keep your word hole shut and don't announce to the room that you haven't seen it. Odds are that if you open your mouth, you will end up with a Must See Movie list for the upcoming year that is filled with slightly disturbing flicks and the occasional enjoyable movie.

And yes, I will be posting my 2013 Must See movie list tomorrow.

See you in 2013!

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