Pensacola's Giant Wheel Of Excellence

Behold. Pensacola by day:

Ah … she's a lovely little beach, no?

Behold. Pensacola by night:

See the Ferris wheel? Looks like a good time, right? I coerced my family into riding it with me one evening. While on the ride, I discovered that nothing brings out a latent fear of heights like going on a large Ferris wheel.

To be fair, I shouldn't refer to it as a Ferris wheel. The term Ferris wheel invokes images of a carnival or a County Fair. This? Right here? Is no Ferris Wheel.

There were no swinging metal baskets in which to sit. There were no concern causing sputtery noises coming from a questionable motor. There were no carnies taking tickets and swinging shut your "safety" bar, all while making perfect arcs of spittle and chewing tobacco into the faded Folger's coffee can currently being used as a spittoon.

This, people, is a Giant Wheel of Excellence.

No, I'm not kidding. This Ferris wheel belongs to a breed known as "giant wheels" because they are (you guessed it) bigger than a traditional Ferris wheel. This one has fully enclosed, climate controlled gondolas in which to ride. Climate controlled. As in air conditioned or heated.

Holla.

And special "no glare" glass so as not to muss up your photos with weird reflections and such. As a person who likes to rip off a couple of hundred pictures of the view from atop the Giant Wheel of Excellence while her family completely spazzes out over the height, this detail appeals to me.

The Pensacola giant wheel even has … wait for it … a VIP gondola. A VIP gondola? Yep. A VIP gondola. What is included in this very impressive gondola, you ask? For one thing, it comes with four leather bucket seats.

(Which is four more than my Honda has.)

And a champaign bucket.

(My house does not even have a champaign bucket.)

(To be fair, we usually just grab a bottle from the fridge in the garage and pass it around. It's usually gone before it has a chance to warm up enough to require the use of a special chilling bucket.)

That, people, is a giant wheel of excellence.


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