Numero uno on my creep list is the song Frosty the Snowman. Seriously. It's icky. The song gives me bad Christmas joo-joo. A snowman puts on a hat and comes to life. Comes to life, people. Comes. To. Life. With children present. Imagine if you were one of the unfortunate kids who built a snowman, slapped a hat on its head, and WHAM! The snowman jumps up and starts dancing around like a loon on meth. You wouldn't think it was neat, like those poor saps in the song. You'd freak out and poop yourself. Pooping yourself does not a merry Christmas make.
This next one is kind of an obvious creepy. Obvious, but true - the German tradition of hiding a pickle ornament on the tree. The story goes that the first one to find the pickle ornament hidden in the Christmas tree on Christmas morning receives an extra gift. Creepy, huh? I do have to insert a disclaimer here. The pickle tradition appears to be a myth. No word yet if it has been sent on to Mythbusters (Discovery Channel Wednesdays at 9 pm), but I will keep you posted. To date, no German will claim this tradition. Most Germans have never even heard of the hide-a-pickle tradition. Even if it is a myth, it's still a weird rumor to have started. I mean really, hide the pickle ornament for kids to find on Christmas morning? Even the mere mention of this myth makes you sound like you should be swiftly carted off to pervert jail, you sicko. Eww! Perverts at Christmas time! Full body shudder.
Eggnog. Eww. Full body shudder again! Even the name looks slightly creepy. Sounds weird when you say it, too. Eggnog, eggnog, eggnog. Shudder, shudder, shudder. Looks like snot in a mug, but it's really made of eggs, milk, cream, sugar, nutmeg - yummy stuff, right? Oh, and bourbon. What?! Bourbon? Hons, you had me til bourbon. Now my lunch is meeting my shoes. And yakking at Christmas time is just wrong. Friends, yakking is not festive, so pass on the eggnog.
I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to put Santa on the list, but dontcha think the notion of Santa is a little, oh I don't know … whacked? Think about it. You go to sleep one night all tucked in, safe and secure only to awaken the next morning to discover that some morbidly obese man has broken into your home and eaten your cookies. Oh sure, he left you a lovely sweater with a reindeer on it under your tree, but does that make you feel more secure at night? Thinking about some uninvited, red suited fat man poking around your living room? I didn't think so. And he plays with elves. EWWWW - perv alert #2! I can't take it!
The last item on my creepy list is one that I am going to receive the most flack about. Yep, even more than putting Santa on my list. The last item: the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer 1964 TV special. Seriously? Rudolph? Yep. It's just bizarre. Is it puppets (which are screwy in their own right) or robots or animation or what? What the crap are those things? I don't like 'em. Never did, not even as a kid. That show has always creeped me out. The song alone is creepy, but the movie just ratchets the creep factor WAY up for me. Ick. Nope, sorry, don't like the Rudolph special. Not one little bit.
Well, that's my Creepy Christmas list. Hope I didn't offend you too much. Now shut off Rudolph and dump out that eggnog. It's seriously creeping me out.
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Eggnog. Eww. Full body shudder again! Even the name looks slightly creepy. Sounds weird when you say it, too. Eggnog, eggnog, eggnog. Shudder, shudder, shudder. Looks like snot in a mug, but it's really made of eggs, milk, cream, sugar, nutmeg - yummy stuff, right? Oh, and bourbon. What?! Bourbon? Hons, you had me til bourbon. Now my lunch is meeting my shoes. And yakking at Christmas time is just wrong. Friends, yakking is not festive, so pass on the eggnog.
I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to put Santa on the list, but dontcha think the notion of Santa is a little, oh I don't know … whacked? Think about it. You go to sleep one night all tucked in, safe and secure only to awaken the next morning to discover that some morbidly obese man has broken into your home and eaten your cookies. Oh sure, he left you a lovely sweater with a reindeer on it under your tree, but does that make you feel more secure at night? Thinking about some uninvited, red suited fat man poking around your living room? I didn't think so. And he plays with elves. EWWWW - perv alert #2! I can't take it!
The last item on my creepy list is one that I am going to receive the most flack about. Yep, even more than putting Santa on my list. The last item: the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer 1964 TV special. Seriously? Rudolph? Yep. It's just bizarre. Is it puppets (which are screwy in their own right) or robots or animation or what? What the crap are those things? I don't like 'em. Never did, not even as a kid. That show has always creeped me out. The song alone is creepy, but the movie just ratchets the creep factor WAY up for me. Ick. Nope, sorry, don't like the Rudolph special. Not one little bit.
Well, that's my Creepy Christmas list. Hope I didn't offend you too much. Now shut off Rudolph and dump out that eggnog. It's seriously creeping me out.
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