My Near Death Experience

I awoke earlier than usual this morning and totally without the aid of an alarm clock or sick child. At first I wasn't sure why I had awaken so early. And then it hit me. Square in the face.

The Sun.

The sunrise shines directly in through the window in my backdoor and onto my face. My sleeping face.

It's been several days since the sun has shined, so I'm not going to complain about it. Or about it waking me up early.

I woke up feeling energized and full of pep. Kinda virtuous, too. Sunshine does that to me. My increased energy, pep, and virtuousness led me to believe that I would tackle big things today.

Huge contributions to society.

I would … tackle my jiggle by running on my treadmill.

The treadmill is located in our formerly kinda sorta flooded basement. Which meant that I had to take the stairs down to run on the thing.

Generally speaking, I am not a klutzy kind of person. I have great balance, mainly because I'm short (5'2") with big feet (size 7). I should have tiny, dainty, petite little size 5 feet. But I don't and I'm quite happy about it. I'm convinced that big feet = great balance.

Where was I going with this? Oh yes. The stairs.

Imagine my surprise when I fell down the last five stairs. And landed on the bare concrete floor with a thump and a totally undignified "oof" as the air rushed out of my lungs.

My thoughts (in order):

1. Wow! Did I just fall down the stairs? Did I just fall down the stairs? Wait. Did I just fall down the stairs? Ohmygoodness, I just fell down the stairs!

2. Well, nothing appears to be broken and I feel pretty good. I think I'm gonna have a nasty bruise on my left butt cheek (*sorry for the image, but it's what I was thinking), left shoulder, and right arm.

3. Why bruises on my arms … oh yeah. They were flailing around a bit as I was falling and I'm pretty sure that they hit the banister and the wall all the way down.

4. Bet that was funny (snicker to myself).

5. At least the floor is clean from all the squeegeeing we did earlier this week so I didn't have to worry about landing in the various debris that makes up this floor like dust, sequins, and spider carcasses.

6. Or live spiders. Eww!

7. Well, I'm not seeing stars and I can move my jiggly body so I think I'm okay. Thank goodness the fire department didn't have to rescue me.

8. I haven't shaved my legs in … a while.

9. Now I'm really glad the fire department didn't have to come rescue me. The leg hairs probably would have penetrated their fireproof suits.

10. I can just see it now. In about thirty years a fireman will be driving past our house with the grand kids and will say "See that house kids? I rescued a woman there once. She'd fallen down her basement stairs. Hairiest legs I ever saw."

11. My last thought before trudging (gingerly of course) back up the steps: I believe this near death experience (it will now be referred to as such) gets me out of cleaning the bathrooms. Woo hoo!

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