You Can Find Anything At Goodwill … I Have Proof

After Sunday's stint at Old Navy's sweaterpalooza, I decided to weed through my sweater drawer.

Side note: Sweaterpalooza is my term. I'm coining it now so Old Navy will have to pay me big bucks next year to use sweaterpalooza or face swift justice from me and my lawyer. 

Note to self: get a swift justice type of copyright lawyer.

My criteria for weeding through my sweater drawer was incredibly simple and effective. Look for ill-fitting/heinous/itchy/was-I-high-when-I-bought-this? sweaters to donate to Goodwill. Assuming the shoppers of Goodwill have higher tolerances for ill-fitting/heinous/itchy/was-I-high-when-I-bought-this? sweaters than I do.

Fortunately for me, there are three Goodwill stores located in my town. Fortunately for you, I had time to go inside and browse after donating three big bags of sweaters. I don't know when the last time you browsed around a Goodwill, but I encourage you to do so. There is some seriously good shit in there.

However, more often than not you have to wade through serious shit to get too the seriously good stuff so be prepared.

I give you Exhibit A: The Snoring Santa I received one year for Christmas. Seriously. It was a gift. 

Not only does Santa snore, but his red and green plaid blankie rises and falls like he's actually breathing. It creeped me out, so I only 'decorated' with it for one Christmas and then donated Santa to Goodwill on December 26. Of 1998. I, of course, believe without a single doubt that this is the same Snoring Santa that I donated in 1998.

Sigh. Poor dude has been laying on the shelf for thirteen consecutive years, right in front of that clear container of glitter balls and ceramic Christmas tree plate. Creeping out Goodwill shoppers. Since 1998. My word.

My husband doesn't believe that Santa's been laying there since 1998. He thinks several people have purchased Santa and re-donated him over the years. He says there's no way that Santa has been snoring on the shelf for thirteen consecutive years.

My husband is on crack.

Obviously.

I believe no one has purchased Snoring Santa once in thirteen years. Because he's creepy.

Obviously.

Once safely past Snoring Santa, I discovered the 'Anything Goes' aisle at Goodwill. As a compulsive organizer of everything but my thoughts, I can totally appreciate a Goodwill store. Clothing items are arranged by color. There is a specific place for furniture, although why it is right next to the racks of backpacks and underwear will probably always remain a mystery to me. The household items are divided up by pots and pans, utensils, oddball bowls, decorative tins, and complete sets of china or Corelle. Belts are neatly displayed on a peg board. The VHS tapes are separate from the Betamax ones (Beta!). CDs are separate from 8 track tapes (8 tracks!). And then there is the 'Anything Goes' aisle, where the stuff that defies categorization lives in a cornucopia of complete and utter bizarreness.

Anything Goes is by far my favorite aisle. It's a walk on the wild side, people. While wandering down Anything Goes, I kept asking myself why anyone would donate that instead of throwing it away.

Stuff like a partially used bottle of bubble bath.

Or rusty nail clippers.

Or a bright pink box labeled D'Eva Bra. Not being familiar with the product, I picked up the box for further inspection and found myself holding a set of chicken cutlets.

Yep. Fake boobs right there in the Anything Goes aisle at my local Goodwill. And they were only $3.99. Proof that you can find anything at your local Goodwill store.

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