I Can't HANDLE The Pork Loin

For the past several days, I've been having trouble corralling my thoughts into one cohesive blog post. These thoughts just aren't gelling, so I'm providing you with a list of items that are currently occupying my noggin.

1. As of today, I have no chickens. I'm kind of okay with this fact for a couple of reasons, namely the fact that I saw both a fox and an owl right by my house Saturday morning. According to early 20th century idioms, I do not want a fox in my hen house, guarding my hen house, or near my hen house. It's a hunting thing. And the same goes for owls. I'm pretty sure that an owl will eat a chicken given the opportunity. I'd rather not witness that.

2. Last night I made a pork loin so terrible tasting that my garbage disposal threw it back up on me. Seriously. My garbage disposal let 'er rip all over my sweatshirt. My husband swears that the disposal was slightly clogged and then it righted itself by blasting out whatever was clogging it, but pfft. Whatevs. I know the thing projectile vomited those pieces of meat. Kinda like I wanted to do after tasting a bite.

('Twas a nasty pork loin.)

3. However vile the pork was last night, my mashed potatoes were sheer perfection. Butter and half and half is the way to go, people. Not milk. Not cream. And never, ever, chicken broth. Half and half. Maybe some cream cheese if you're feeling sassy. Trust me. You won't be disappointed.

4. This is the forecast for the Midwest today.

The purple signifies a Winter Weather Advisory and the pink indicates a Winter Storm Warning. I live in a lovely pink area of north central Indiana in which (right now) about six inches of heavy wet snow is predicted.

This news does not amuse me for several reasons, the most important reason being that if I don't make it to the grocery store today the only food in my house will be a wrinkly grape that is not quite a raisin yet and last night's left over vile pork loin.

To paraphrase a Mr. Jack Nicholson in the classic film A Few Good Men, I can't HANDLE the vile pork loin. Incidentally, the rest of my family enjoyed the pork, which makes me question their taste buds.

5. That settles it. I'm off to the grocery store.


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