Andy, Madeline, and a Potty That Wouldn't Stop or (subtitle) My Trip to the Art Museum

In keeping with my New Year's resolution to be more sophisticated daaahhhlings, I visited an art museum. This particular art museum featured three items of interest: a rather large Andy Warhol exhibit, Madeleine Albright's "Read My Pins" collection, and a potty that wouldn't stop. Let's tackle that information one item at a time. 


First things first: Andy Warhol. If you are unfamiliar with Warhol's art, think Campbell's soup cans. Marilyn Monroe. Dollar Signs. If those hints aren't big enough, google Andy Warhol for cryin' out loud.


Warhol specialized in Pop Art and I totally groove to Pop Art. It totally flips my picnic table. Like, totally. The more I learned about ole Andy, the more I dug him. We have so much in common - we both love bright colors, commercialism, aluminum foil, dollar signs, and the Muppets. The list goes on and on. But the similarities ended when I read that he had this foot fetish thing. I'm so not a fan of feet. 


Anyhoo, I dragged my friend, G., to the museum with me 'cause she digs Andy. And she was available. And she thought the foot thing was grody, too. We're so in sync. 


We were caught giggling and annoying other art patrons (say that in a nasally, snooty tone for total effect) quite a few times. We can't help it - sometimes funny stuff happens. Even at an art museum. 


Like when we were watching a video of the curator of some museum discuss Warhol's art. G. immediately picked up on the fact that the dude in the video was the curator of the very museum we were visiting. She thought that was nifty and pointed it out to me. I pointed out the fact that said curator looked an awful lot like the Dad in Home Alone and I was 98% sure that the same actor was hired to play "Museum Curator" in this video. She cracked up and then made the Home Alone face. Then I cracked up. Then we received looks of great disdain from the (snooty voice) art patrons. Apparently art patrons do not appreciate fine cinema.


We left the fabulous world of Warhol and entered the "Read My Pins" exhibit. In a world in which people wear jammies to the store, I love the fact that Mad put so much effort into her accessories. She took great care in selecting her brooch and what message it conveyed. Whether you are a fan of Madeline Albright's politics or not, the pins were fascinating. So fascinating in fact, that I wanted to hit Goodwill on the way home and find me a brooch. 


Living up to my personal motto of "Never pass up an opportunity to pee", I wanted to hit the restroom before G. and I left the museum. I read an article somewhere that said the first stall in the row is the rarest used and therefore is the cleanest. I elbowed G. out of the way to get to the first stall. She wasn't harmed nor upset by my actions. She's peed with me before and she knows how it works. She was just annoyed that I won. My victory in scoring the sacred first stall was cut short immediately upon entering.


Before I even fully latched the lock on the door, the automatic flusher started flushing. And flushing. And flushing. I decided to brave the storm and proceeded to sit (sorry for the visual. I sincerely hope you aren't eating lunch). What I didn't notice prior to sitting was the force of the flushing water. It was so strong that I quickly had a huge spray of toilet water all up my back. Thank God the spray didn't reach my hair because I would have had a spazz attack the likes of which the museum had never seen. And the possessed potty just keeps flushin' away, completely unaware that I look like I just ran through a sprinkler. In an art museum. While fulfilling my New Year's resolution to gain a little culture. 


Meanwhile, G. thinks this is hilarious. And it is funny. Oh, the irony of waltzing out of a classy museum with toilet spray up your back. 


I learned several things during my trip to the art museum, but the most important one is this: for the love of all that is holy, don't pee at a museum. It's hard to remain dignified while toilet spray drips down your back.  Pin It Now!