My Fear of the Telephone

In 1985, I was a pretty happy kid. I had replaced my signature bowl haircut with a truly great perm, was in love with Prince and the Revolution, and was discovering the sheer joy that was blue eye shadow. 

And, in 1985, my house was one of the few in town that got HBO. That's right. Be jealous. In a time in which most houses out by mine had a choice of three over-the-antenna stations (four when the weather was decent and you could pull in WGN out of Chicago), I had HBO.

HBO was awesome. And I loved it.

I remember it mostly played Star Wars and for a period of several weeks (okay okay it was more like a period of several months) I thought HBO only aired Star Wars. Nothing else. Just R2D2 and C3PO. That was fine with me because I loved Star Wars and would sit for hours watching it over and over. Actually, I spent quite a bit of time puzzling over why it was even called HBO and not the Star Wars Channel since that's all HBO seemed to air. However, my honeymoon with HBO ended when they began to show other movies, which brings me to my childhood fear of the telephone. 

HBO and my older sister are directly responsible for my telephonophobia.

In the mold of big sisters everywhere, mine used to talk me into doing stuff I had no business doing. And watching movies that I had no business watching. I'm specifically talking to you, 'Nightmare on Elm Street'. 

The original, 1984 released, Wes Craven classic starring Heather Langenkamp, Johnny Depp, and Robert Englund 'Nightmare on Elm Street'. You may shudder and get slightly freaked out now. I am.

I was a giant weenie-tot at age thirteen and just the poster for that movie freaked me out. I should have been permanently banned from ever watching the movie.

Enter HBO and my big sister.

She talked me into watching 'Nightmare' with her one rainy afternoon when we were home by ourselves. Less than ninety seconds into the movie, I knew it wasn't for me. Rather than hyperventilate in front of the TV, I volunteered to make popcorn. I kept making popcorn until Orville Redenbacher himself came into the kitchen and told me to knock it off. 

There was no way to avoid it now. I had to sit and watch. And be terrified by Freddy Krueger and his glove of knives. 

A brief ploy summary for those of you who successfully avoided seeing this movie (you lucky people): Freddy Krueger appears in the dreams of some teenagers and kills them with his knife glove. 

I know, right? Just reading the plot summary makes you want to volunteer to make popcorn in the kitchen, doesn't it?

It wasn't the knife glove that was the ultimate undoing for me. Nor was it the whole 'don't fall asleep or you'll die' factor. It was the scene in which Nancy was on the phone … and the bottom part of phone turned into Freddy's tongue.

Aahhh! That scene turned me off of the telephone for years. Years, people. Years. Of course, it probably didn't help matters that I was on the phone with my friend, Sharon, at the exact moment the movie phone turned tongue. Poor Sharon didn't know why I dropped the phone and she wouldn't know until school on Monday morning because there was no way that I was going to call her to explain.

That would involve using the phone and that just wasn't going to happen.

Sorry, Sharon.

It would be years before I felt comfortable using a phone again and even to this day I loathe speaking to people on the phone.

And, in the realm of irrational fears, I still blame HBO for my telephonophobia. I'm still not a subscriber to this day. Pin It Now!