I Had Lunch With Tata Today ...

… and all was well until I hit road construction traffic on my way home.

I'm fine with road construction. Usually.

I'm fine with waiting my turn in line while traffic in the opposite direction moves. Usually.

I'm fine with just sittin' back, relaxin', singing' along with Thriller on the radio. Usually.

But today, after twenty-four minutes, my Honda and I had moved a grand total of thirty feet. Twenty-four minutes, people.  Twenty. Four. Minutes. To move thirty feet. That's an entire episode on Diff'rent Strokes for crying out loud. Minus commercials of course.

The worst part wasn't sitting in traffic or the jerky people behind me honking their horns. No. It was the fact that whilst at lunch with Tata I drank a thirty-two ounce iced tea. Then refilled my cup. Then refilled it for a third time.

The average human bladder is designed to hold about seventeen to eighteen ounces. See where this is going?

The line started to move. I thought I had reached the end of my eons long wait for my lane to drive, but just as I started to go through the intersection Dottie, the traffic flagger, turned her sign from 'Slow' to 'Stop'.

Frick on a stick!

Through my open window I begged and pleaded with Dottie to let me go through the intersection because I had approximately ninety-six ounces of freshly brewed iced tea about to come pouring out at any minute. But Dottie held her ground and said, 'Hells no, lady! What moron drinks that much iced tea anyway? Bwwwhahahaha!'

Okay. So Dottie didn't really say that. But I could tell she was thinking it.

I offered Dottie a nice stick of spearmint Trident gum as a peace offering/bribe.

She took my gum. And denied me access to the road with a shrug and a 'Sorry, toots'.

I almost wept.

Twenty-four minutes I waited.

Then Dottie switched her sign from the wretched 'Stop' to the beloved 'Slow' and it was giddy-up for me. I waved a fond farewell to Dottie as she yelled 'Thanks for the gum! Hope you don't wet your pants, honey!'

Good grief. All I wanted was a nice lunch with Tata.


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