Black Thursday/Friday

Black Friday 2011. It was good ... I think. I'm still kinda jet lagged over the whole experience because T, Banana and myself started shopping at 10 Thursday night and didn't stop until 7 Friday morning.

In our matching 'I've been naughty' herpes shirts of course.

This year marked a departure for the three of us. We've never worn matching tshirts before, with or without herpes letters. And we've never stayed out all night. Usually we meet at my house around 3 Friday morning. There is something to be said for catching a few hours of sleep. And I liked our up early shopping schedule because it included breakfast at 5:00 at McDonalds, double steak burgers with cheese and fries at 8:30 at Steak N Shake, and an emergency donut at Meijer around noon. Those traditions are hard to beat, man, but we gave it a whirl. Here is the breakdown of our shopping experience.

First stop: Toys R Us. 10:00-midnight.

It was almost our last stop because the line took For Ever. About an hour and half. To amuse ourselves, we started playing a game called 'Who Is Hotter'. The rules are simple: name two celebrities and pick which one you'd rather take home with you. Yes, I know it's immature but it kept Tata from freebasing Midol if the line didn't start moving a little quicker, which she loudly threatened to do on three separate occasions. In the immortal words of Han Solo, it isn't wise to upset a Wookiee.

The game was going along fine. Brad Pitt or Bradley Cooper? Tom Brady or Shaq? Tom Cruise or Tom Petty (really Tata?)? Anderson Cooper or Matt Lauer? LL Cool J or Will Smith? Han Solo or Indiana Jones?

To recover from T's question of Bill O'Reilly or Bill Clinton (again, really?), I pitched Bo or Luke Duke.

Banana: … wait. Which one is which again?

Tata: If you have to ask then you automatically get Cooter.

Me: As self appointed Commissioner of Who Is Hotter, I side with T.

Banana: Oh you guys are so funny!

Tata: No. We're serious. You get Cooter.

Next stop: Diet Coke break at McDonalds.

Next stop: Target. Midnight to 2 am.

We were very successful at Target, mainly because Banana snagged a cart. Snagging a cart at Target on Black Friday means the stars have aligned for you and you should run, not walk, to the nearest gas station and buy a lottery ticket because you are one lucky duck.

The line was very long at Target. It wove up and down every aisle in the grocery section, which is genius. Pure genius. Why you ask? It's basic math, people.

Long line in grocery aisles + hungry 1 a.m. shoppers = bonanza sales on snack foods

While in line, we ripped into a box of Pumpkin Pie Pop-Tarts, a can of Pringles, a box of Nature's Valley cashew bars, a bag of gummy worms, and a bag of Goldfish crackers. And a vitamin water. In the interest of full disclosure, there was a minimum of bitching and moaning from me after eating 2/3 of a bag of Goldfish crackers because I left my Diet Coke in the car and no one would trek out there to get it for me.

Next stop: Walmart. 2:00-3:15 am.

Walmart was eerie because no one else was there besides our little group. When is the last time to went to Wally World and it was just you and the cashiers?

I don't know if it was the late hour or the deserted store, but Tata and I started messing around with the backpacks. And we couldn't stop. We even considered buying them. They were just that awesome.

I like to call this photo Business in the Front.

And this one Party in the Back.

The Force is alive and well in Walmart. And it's strapped to our backs. Still can't believe we didn't pony up the eight bucks to buy Yoda and Darth. That may be one of the biggest regrets of Black Friday 2011, right after leaving my Diet Coke in the car at Target.

The rest of the night is kind of a blur. I remember someone snarfing down fresh french fries at McDonalds around 4 in the morning, a quick jaunt to Macy's, Kohl's and Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

And maybe a craft store.

I think.

I'll have to look at my receipts.

After I recover from my Black Friday jet lag, of course.


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