Living in a House With No Internet

Sigh.

It's been a rough week living in a house with no Internet service. Rougher than I originally thought. I seriously thought that we could manage just fine with no Internet.

"What's the big woo?" I thought.

But I was wrong. Very, very wrong.

I knew I was wrong when I spent so much time at McDonald's - using the free wifi, free drink refills, and (coincidentally) the free potty - that I walked out smelling like a french fry. Not that french fry smell is bad. As a matter of fact, it's a pretty spectacular smell.

But not adhered to my clothes.

And not when I'm about to volunteer in my 3rd graders classroom.

The kids would not leave me alone. They kept telling me how good I smelled.

Then they licked their lips a bit.

Then they drooled.

Then they licked their lips again.

Then I casually walked away.

They followed me, still licking their lips.

They were all over me. Like stink on … well, you know. Like a fat kid on a cupcake. Like 3rd graders on french fries.

It was disturbing.

So I made Starbucks my choice for free wifi. But Starbucks had a couple of things against it, mainly no free refills for my chai tea latte. And I walked out smelling like coffee. Not that freshly ground coffee smell is bad. As a matter of fact, it's a pretty spectacular smell.

It adhered to my clothes.

My husband would not leave me alone. He kept telling me how good I smelled.

Then he licked his lips a bit.

He didn't drool though.

Then he licked his lips again.

Then I casually walked away.

He followed me, still licking his lips.

He was all over me. Like white on rice. Like poison ivy on a camper. Like a grown up on coffee.

The attention was kinda nice.

But I still want the Internet to be beamed back into my house. Pin It Now!