Didn't Die Today. Life Is Good.

I went roller skating today for the first time since 1984 and I didn't die. Life is good.


There were a few moments at the beginning that were touch-and-go. And I did my fair share of careening uncontrollably around corners. Which led to flailing my arms about wildly. I like to think that I flailed about with style and panache, but I probably looked like a giant goober. Or, more accurately, like a duck trying to take flight. Duck imitation or not, roller skating is giant amounts of fun.



Maybe the fun part isn't really the roller skating because if you think about it, roller skating is a really stupid thing to do. Get together with 200 other people, attach four wheels to the bottom of your feet, and rocket around in circles until you get dizzy and disoriented. Freaking genius. The fun part for me was reminiscing about myself on skates twenty-six years ago.


Hons, twenty-six years ago yours truly was a whiz on skates. We're talkin' mad skate skills. I could zip around the rink on my skates, do the YMCA dance, and manage to keep my comb in my back pocket all at the same time. People used to see me barreling towards them on my skates and they would immediately jump out of my way from either fear (complete terror really) or embarrassment over their obvious incompetence. 


I could have turned pro at the tender age of nine except my mom didn't want to move to San Francisco for me to train with a world renowned roller skating coach. It really bummed me out. But she did buy me this bitchin' jacket. 

And if I couldn't skate professionally at least I could look the part. 


Not moving to San Francisco to train completely dashed my dreams of winning a gold medal in roller skating at the '84 Olympics. Mary Lou Retton and I would have looked so perfect together on a Wheaties box. Picture each of us proudly sporting giant toothy grins and our shiny gold medals, hers for gymnastics and mine for roller skating. But it wasn't meant to be. Instead, I hung up my skates and focused my attention on other endeavors. Like giving myself dimples. 


After strapping on some wheels and rolling out onto the skate floor today, I briefly thought of training to be a pro skater again. Then my knees hurt and I had to sit down. Now I'm thinking that my knees could use a little ice and roller skating is a really stupid thing to do. But at least I didn't die doing it. Life is good. Pin It Now!