Why I'll Never Be A Caped Crusader

Here in my part of the country, school starts in less than two weeks. The start of a new school year is an extremely bittersweet time for me. I'm excited for my kids as they embark on a fresh, new year, but I weep for the babies that they no longer are.

Seriously. I cry every year on the first day of school. Usually at the bus stop. That fact nugget doesn't really surprise you because (I'm sure) at this point it's well established that I have little control over myself.

I am slowly improving on the self control front. Just yesterday I exerted a tremendous amount of self control. Not going to lie to you, it hurt. A lot.

My girls and I were at the mall, hunting for back to school bargains. We were buzzing past a store when my youngest spotted the most primo tshirt ever.

Are you ready for this?

Are you sitting down?

The shirt looked like the front of Wonder Woman's costume. Awesome, I know. And just when you think a tshirt can't get any better, it does.

Attached to the back of the shirt was a cape.

A cape, people! A. Cape.

Holla.

I swear the roof of the mall opened up, a single beam of sunshine appeared, and the angels sang a heavenly tune. All was right with my world.

Immediately, I grabbed the rack of shirts and started frantically searching for one in my size. Score! I found one. On my way to the checkout (never even glancing at the price tag because wearable art has no price limit) I had a revelation.

What if wearing a cape is like wearing a hoodie and I choke myself every time I sit down?

That thought gave me pause.

Showing a tremendous amount of self control, I put the magical Wonder Woman shirt back on the rack and walked out of the store. Throughout the rest of our shopping trip through Macy's, Aeropostle, and Claire's, my thoughts were on the Wondie shirt and the massive dilemma the cape presented.

The cape is cool. Very cool. I love the cape, but I hate the cape. I could choke myself on the cape and die. Death by cape would be a total buzzkill. Hmm … how can I make the cape less dangerous?

What if I never sit down while wearing the shirt? That should work, right?


What if I wear the cape casually flipped over one shoulder like some type of decorative scarf? Who am I kidding. No one would accent that awesome of a tshirt with a scarf. Pfft. A pair of 'Bracelets of Victory' like Wonder Woman's, maybe. But a scarf? No way.

Then, somewhere by Auntie Anne's pretzels it hit me.

What if I only wear the shirt while running? Yes, yes. That could work. I usually don't ever sit down while running, therefore the risk choking myself is dramatically diminished, yet I could still enjoy the cape.  I like it. I like it a lot.

I decided that this shirt would become my new favorite running shirt. Can't you just picture the cape flapping in the breeze behind me as I power down the road? I can picture it and hons, I look good.

When my husband arrived home from work, I excitedly told him about my idea of wearing the caped tshirt as a running shirt.

He looked horrified for a brief moment and then said, 'But it will get all tattered in the wind you create by running so fast. You don't want to ruin a fine tshirt like that by letting the cape get all tattered. It's probably best to just admire it in it's wholeness in the store.'

Homeboy knows me so well. I do run fast. Super fast. I run so fast that I'd probably shred the cape on the first mile. Then I'd be heartbroken because I ruined the World's Most Awesomest Shirt.

Phooey. Guess I was never meant to be a caped crusader. Pin It Now!