Yesterday we had a freak snowstorm at my house. Okay. Maybe freak is too strong of a word. It was more of a sudden snowstorm. Okay. Maybe sudden is too strong of a word. It was more of a surprise. A surprise snowstorm.
It went from pouring rain to big white fat snowflakes in the span of a few minutes. And it snowed heavily for a few hours, wrecking havoc on my afternoon and evening plans. Surprise!
I should point out that it surprised only me. Apparently other people watch the local news and actually pay attention to the weather forecast. I must say, a local weather forecast is the one thing my news channel of choice, E!, lacks. Perhaps the good folks at E! could allow ninety seconds for a local weather update so uninformed dorks like me don't get caught in surprise five inch snowstorms.
It wasn't the five inches of snow that bothered me much. I'm accustomed to that. It was the fact that the rain turned to snow and put a nice, even layer of slick onto the roads. I do not enjoy a nice, even layer of slick on my roads. My kid's bus even slid into a ditch. She was pretty jazzed about the whole experience when she got home because sliding into a ditch was the highlight of her day.
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Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
My Thoughts on Office Space
I checked another movie off of my Must See list: 1999's Office Space.
I. Loved. It. Finally! A movie that delighted, not disturbed, me. Hear that Nicole Kidman and your incredibly disturbing other-worldly beauty?
Right away Office Space cracked me up. The door locking scene in the opening credits? Hilarious. Discussing flair? Hilarious. The Geto Boys 'Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gansta' and describing Michael Bolton as a 'no talent ass clown'? High. Larry. Us.
* side note: Impolite as it may be, no talent ass clown might be my new go-to phrase.
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I. Loved. It. Finally! A movie that delighted, not disturbed, me. Hear that Nicole Kidman and your incredibly disturbing other-worldly beauty?
Right away Office Space cracked me up. The door locking scene in the opening credits? Hilarious. Discussing flair? Hilarious. The Geto Boys 'Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gansta' and describing Michael Bolton as a 'no talent ass clown'? High. Larry. Us.
* side note: Impolite as it may be, no talent ass clown might be my new go-to phrase.
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Monday, November 28, 2011
Black Thursday/Friday
Black Friday 2011. It was good ... I think. I'm still kinda jet lagged over the whole experience because T, Banana and myself started shopping at 10 Thursday night and didn't stop until 7 Friday morning.
In our matching 'I've been naughty' herpes shirts of course.
This year marked a departure for the three of us. We've never worn matching tshirts before, with or without herpes letters. And we've never stayed out all night. Usually we meet at my house around 3 Friday morning. There is something to be said for catching a few hours of sleep. And I liked our up early shopping schedule because it included breakfast at 5:00 at McDonalds, double steak burgers with cheese and fries at 8:30 at Steak N Shake, and an emergency donut at Meijer around noon. Those traditions are hard to beat, man, but we gave it a whirl. Here is the breakdown of our shopping experience.
First stop: Toys R Us. 10:00-midnight.
It was almost our last stop because the line took For Ever. About an hour and half. To amuse ourselves, we started playing a game called 'Who Is Hotter'. The rules are simple: name two celebrities and pick which one you'd rather take home with you. Yes, I know it's immature but it kept Tata from freebasing Midol if the line didn't start moving a little quicker, which she loudly threatened to do on three separate occasions. In the immortal words of Han Solo, it isn't wise to upset a Wookiee.
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In our matching 'I've been naughty' herpes shirts of course.
This year marked a departure for the three of us. We've never worn matching tshirts before, with or without herpes letters. And we've never stayed out all night. Usually we meet at my house around 3 Friday morning. There is something to be said for catching a few hours of sleep. And I liked our up early shopping schedule because it included breakfast at 5:00 at McDonalds, double steak burgers with cheese and fries at 8:30 at Steak N Shake, and an emergency donut at Meijer around noon. Those traditions are hard to beat, man, but we gave it a whirl. Here is the breakdown of our shopping experience.
First stop: Toys R Us. 10:00-midnight.
It was almost our last stop because the line took For Ever. About an hour and half. To amuse ourselves, we started playing a game called 'Who Is Hotter'. The rules are simple: name two celebrities and pick which one you'd rather take home with you. Yes, I know it's immature but it kept Tata from freebasing Midol if the line didn't start moving a little quicker, which she loudly threatened to do on three separate occasions. In the immortal words of Han Solo, it isn't wise to upset a Wookiee.
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Friday, November 25, 2011
Black Friday
Today is Black Friday. It is one of my most favorite days of the year, not because I get all of my Christmas shopping done in one massive shopping trip (I don't), but because I get to hang with Tata and Banana.
Life is always good when I get to hang with my girls.
I have been up and functioning for over twenty-four hours so I'm only going to post a little snippet from my Black Friday experience right now. Buckle up. It's a doozie.
In addition to T putting Tom Petty on the Seven Different Ways of Sexy List, she also puts Bill Clinton on there.
That's right.
Former President Bill Clinton.
Husband to Hilary.
Dad to Chelsea.
Bill Clinton.
Sexy.
Oh my. Pin It Now!
Life is always good when I get to hang with my girls.
I have been up and functioning for over twenty-four hours so I'm only going to post a little snippet from my Black Friday experience right now. Buckle up. It's a doozie.
In addition to T putting Tom Petty on the Seven Different Ways of Sexy List, she also puts Bill Clinton on there.
That's right.
Former President Bill Clinton.
Husband to Hilary.
Dad to Chelsea.
Bill Clinton.
Sexy.
Oh my. Pin It Now!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
You Can Find Anything At Goodwill … I Have Proof
After Sunday's stint at Old Navy's sweaterpalooza, I decided to weed through my sweater drawer.
Side note: Sweaterpalooza is my term. I'm coining it now so Old Navy will have to pay me big bucks next year to use sweaterpalooza or face swift justice from me and my lawyer.
Note to self: get a swift justice type of copyright lawyer.
My criteria for weeding through my sweater drawer was incredibly simple and effective. Look for ill-fitting/heinous/itchy/was-I-high-when-I-bought-this? sweaters to donate to Goodwill. Assuming the shoppers of Goodwill have higher tolerances for ill-fitting/heinous/itchy/was-I-high-when-I-bought-this? sweaters than I do.
Fortunately for me, there are three Goodwill stores located in my town. Fortunately for you, I had time to go inside and browse after donating three big bags of sweaters. I don't know when the last time you browsed around a Goodwill, but I encourage you to do so. There is some seriously good shit in there.
However, more often than not you have to wade through serious shit to get too the seriously good stuff so be prepared.
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Side note: Sweaterpalooza is my term. I'm coining it now so Old Navy will have to pay me big bucks next year to use sweaterpalooza or face swift justice from me and my lawyer.
Note to self: get a swift justice type of copyright lawyer.
My criteria for weeding through my sweater drawer was incredibly simple and effective. Look for ill-fitting/heinous/itchy/was-I-high-when-I-bought-this? sweaters to donate to Goodwill. Assuming the shoppers of Goodwill have higher tolerances for ill-fitting/heinous/itchy/was-I-high-when-I-bought-this? sweaters than I do.
Fortunately for me, there are three Goodwill stores located in my town. Fortunately for you, I had time to go inside and browse after donating three big bags of sweaters. I don't know when the last time you browsed around a Goodwill, but I encourage you to do so. There is some seriously good shit in there.
However, more often than not you have to wade through serious shit to get too the seriously good stuff so be prepared.
I give you Exhibit A: The Snoring Santa I received one year for Christmas. Seriously. It was a gift.
Monday, November 21, 2011
75% Off Sweaters? Yes Please!
Sunday was one of the most wonderful days of the year! It was Old Navy's 75% all sweaters for adults sale!
Being a fiscally virtuous person is sometimes a difficult thing to do. I received the numerous emails last week from Old Navy announcing the sale. I ignored each and every email with the resolve to not attend the massive sale. I knew I'd buy sweaters that I really didn't need.
Then I received a phone call from Tata. She wanted me to attend the sale with her. Sure, I wanted to go, but I also knew that if I went I would have to buy a sweater. It's just the socially responsible thing to do. It's a matter of etiquette really, not fiscal irresponsibility. Attend a sale, buy something. So still being a fiscally virtuous person, I declined the offer to shop with her.
Instead of shopping I opted to rearrange the furniture in the master bedroom with my husband, followed by a quick jaunt to Goodwill, and McDonald's for a one dollar Diet Coke. While sitting in the unloading zone at Goodwill, I received a text from Tata saying there were tons of sweaters left and to 'get my happy ass out here'.
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Being a fiscally virtuous person is sometimes a difficult thing to do. I received the numerous emails last week from Old Navy announcing the sale. I ignored each and every email with the resolve to not attend the massive sale. I knew I'd buy sweaters that I really didn't need.
Then I received a phone call from Tata. She wanted me to attend the sale with her. Sure, I wanted to go, but I also knew that if I went I would have to buy a sweater. It's just the socially responsible thing to do. It's a matter of etiquette really, not fiscal irresponsibility. Attend a sale, buy something. So still being a fiscally virtuous person, I declined the offer to shop with her.
Instead of shopping I opted to rearrange the furniture in the master bedroom with my husband, followed by a quick jaunt to Goodwill, and McDonald's for a one dollar Diet Coke. While sitting in the unloading zone at Goodwill, I received a text from Tata saying there were tons of sweaters left and to 'get my happy ass out here'.
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Friday, November 18, 2011
I'm Spiffy and Handsome Today
Hey! Look at me! I've got my coat on. Aren't I spiffy and handsome?
Why, yes. Yes I am spiffy and handsome. Just look at me.
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Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Glitter Is the Herpes of the Craft World
Sunday afternoon I texted Tata a West Side Story question. She responded with a phone call that led us to meet at Home Depot to look at paint colors. I'm doing the master bedroom next and I think we all can agree that I need help picking out a color. Help that doesn't involve Curtis.
We left Home Depot and somehow ended up at Old Navy because somehow we always end up at Old Navy. At Old Navy, I spotted a gray long sleeved T-shirt that had 'I've been naughty' printed on it in red glitter. It was fabulous and totally Tata. As a matter of fact, I said 'Wow! This shirt is totally you!' and she agreed.
Sitting next to the 'I've been naughty' shirts were navy blue long sleeved T-shirts that had 'I've been nice' printed on them in green glitter. In other words, totally me.
Me: You should get 'I've been naughty' and I'll get 'I've been nice' and we will run the risk of looking like total dorks by wearing them on Black Friday.
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We left Home Depot and somehow ended up at Old Navy because somehow we always end up at Old Navy. At Old Navy, I spotted a gray long sleeved T-shirt that had 'I've been naughty' printed on it in red glitter. It was fabulous and totally Tata. As a matter of fact, I said 'Wow! This shirt is totally you!' and she agreed.
Sitting next to the 'I've been naughty' shirts were navy blue long sleeved T-shirts that had 'I've been nice' printed on them in green glitter. In other words, totally me.
Me: You should get 'I've been naughty' and I'll get 'I've been nice' and we will run the risk of looking like total dorks by wearing them on Black Friday.
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Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Meet Banana
A few weeks ago, I introduced you to one of my nearest and dearest friends, Tata. There is another friend that I now want you to meet. We call her Banana.*
*not her real name. No really. It's just a nickname.
Tata and I have known Banana since Kindergarten, 1978.
Here's a little known fact: Banana looks exactly the same as she did in 1978. Only taller. True story. It's her most irritating quality. Well, that and she talks during movies. God help you if the movie you are watching with her is based on a book that she's read, especially a Nicholas Sparks novel. You will learn every minute detail of what is different between the movie and the book.
Whenever the three of us go to a movie together, an argument starts in the car between Tata and myself over who has to sit by Banana and hear how the movie differs from the book. However, I've discovered over the years that sitting by Banana in a movie can actually be a good thing. She doesn't really like popcorn, but always forgets that fact and buys a bag at the concession stand. She eats about two handfuls and passes it over to whoever is sitting next to her and says, 'Hey you want to finish this for me? I forgot that I really don't like popcorn all that much.'
Need me to finish your popcorn? I'm there for you, babe! Hand it over. I love popcorn and use it as my favorite way to get butter and salt into my body. Extra movie theater popcorn helps to offset the whole talking during a movie thing.
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*not her real name. No really. It's just a nickname.
Tata and I have known Banana since Kindergarten, 1978.
Here's a little known fact: Banana looks exactly the same as she did in 1978. Only taller. True story. It's her most irritating quality. Well, that and she talks during movies. God help you if the movie you are watching with her is based on a book that she's read, especially a Nicholas Sparks novel. You will learn every minute detail of what is different between the movie and the book.
Whenever the three of us go to a movie together, an argument starts in the car between Tata and myself over who has to sit by Banana and hear how the movie differs from the book. However, I've discovered over the years that sitting by Banana in a movie can actually be a good thing. She doesn't really like popcorn, but always forgets that fact and buys a bag at the concession stand. She eats about two handfuls and passes it over to whoever is sitting next to her and says, 'Hey you want to finish this for me? I forgot that I really don't like popcorn all that much.'
Need me to finish your popcorn? I'm there for you, babe! Hand it over. I love popcorn and use it as my favorite way to get butter and salt into my body. Extra movie theater popcorn helps to offset the whole talking during a movie thing.
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Monday, November 14, 2011
My Thoughts on Moulin Rouge … and The Clapper
Not only did I knock out painting my craft room this weekend, I also squeezed in viewing a movie on my Must See list.
Why yes, I am part superhero.
No, not really.
I don't think you reach superhero status simply because you painted a small room and watched 'Moulin Rouge' over the course of two days. If this were true, then the world would be lousy with superheroes because the bar would be set so low.
* side note: If I were to get a superpower, I would totally dig having telekinesis. Just imagine having the power to move objects using only your mind! Awe-some! You could get into bed at night and turn off the lights using just your mind. I would seriously love that.
* side note #2: Yes, I realize the same light turning off ability can be achieved with the purchase of The Clapper at any drugstore for around twenty bucks, but I still think telekinesis is, like, way cool.
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Why yes, I am part superhero.
No, not really.
I don't think you reach superhero status simply because you painted a small room and watched 'Moulin Rouge' over the course of two days. If this were true, then the world would be lousy with superheroes because the bar would be set so low.
* side note: If I were to get a superpower, I would totally dig having telekinesis. Just imagine having the power to move objects using only your mind! Awe-some! You could get into bed at night and turn off the lights using just your mind. I would seriously love that.
* side note #2: Yes, I realize the same light turning off ability can be achieved with the purchase of The Clapper at any drugstore for around twenty bucks, but I still think telekinesis is, like, way cool.
Hmm … where do I start with this movie? Moulin Rouge wasn't disturbing like another movie on my list (I'm talking to you, Fight Club), but I wasn't really looking forward to seeing it because, well, it's a musical. As in singing. And dancing. As in random singing and dancing. Sigh. This is so not me. With the exception of 'Grease', of course. That's about the only movie with random singing and dancing in it that I like.
Friday, November 11, 2011
You May Applaud Me Now ...
... for I have officially made my craft room paint choice.
That's right, I kicked indecision in the hooha. I brought it to it's knees. It only took me twenty-one paint chips, three days, five trips to the paint store, hours of agonizing indecision, sixty-eight text messages to friends, and one Curtis to select my color.
* side note: I loved the suggestions in the comment section a couple of days ago about how to select a color. You guys crack me up.
In the end, I've decided to channel my husband and be all scientific about it. He had already formed his opinion by using my two nemesis: logic and reason. He went through some type of analytical process that allowed him to choose one color from the many taped to the wall. Very efficiently, I might add. He'd made his choice in about fifteen minutes and then went out to the garden to check on the pumpkin crop. Meanwhile, I'm still stuck in the room going 'Hmm … I don't know. I really love them all' for three hours.
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That's right, I kicked indecision in the hooha. I brought it to it's knees. It only took me twenty-one paint chips, three days, five trips to the paint store, hours of agonizing indecision, sixty-eight text messages to friends, and one Curtis to select my color.
* side note: I loved the suggestions in the comment section a couple of days ago about how to select a color. You guys crack me up.
In the end, I've decided to channel my husband and be all scientific about it. He had already formed his opinion by using my two nemesis: logic and reason. He went through some type of analytical process that allowed him to choose one color from the many taped to the wall. Very efficiently, I might add. He'd made his choice in about fifteen minutes and then went out to the garden to check on the pumpkin crop. Meanwhile, I'm still stuck in the room going 'Hmm … I don't know. I really love them all' for three hours.
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Thursday, November 10, 2011
Methinks Fall Is Here
Sigh. I'm not ready for the fall season. Not. At. All.
I do really love all the colors of autumn.
I especially like the way this pear tree in my front yard looks. She's a very festive tree, isn't she?
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Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Indecisive People Shouldn't Go to the Paint Store Alone
After seven years of being shoved in the basement, my craft room and I have finally made the move upstairs. Out of the dreary, poured concrete walls of the unfinished basement and into the eternal sunshine of the main floor of the house.
Where there is a bathroom. This is key.
I quote the great singer Irene Cara, circa 1983, when I say 'What a feeling'. The only difference being that she sang it about 'Flashdance' and I'm applying it to a craft room.
With the move upstairs, comes the understanding that my craft room must groove with the rest of the house. It cannot jeopardize the otherwise cleanliness and/or neatness of the main living areas. All funky stuff must be contained in said craft room, rarely (if ever) can any funk creep outside of the door.
Translated: My hodgepodge mix of storage containers, including but not limited to: old baby wipe containers, shoe boxes, an empty paint can, and assorted ziploc baggies absolutely, positively can not make the journey upstairs. The upstairs is striving to be classy and snooty. Obviously old Huggies baby wipe containers with cracked lids scream something other than polished and sophisticated. Oh, and my choice of paint colors cannot be ridiculous and give visitors to the living room (which is visible from my craft room) a headache.
No problemo, si? No, not si.
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Where there is a bathroom. This is key.
I quote the great singer Irene Cara, circa 1983, when I say 'What a feeling'. The only difference being that she sang it about 'Flashdance' and I'm applying it to a craft room.
With the move upstairs, comes the understanding that my craft room must groove with the rest of the house. It cannot jeopardize the otherwise cleanliness and/or neatness of the main living areas. All funky stuff must be contained in said craft room, rarely (if ever) can any funk creep outside of the door.
Translated: My hodgepodge mix of storage containers, including but not limited to: old baby wipe containers, shoe boxes, an empty paint can, and assorted ziploc baggies absolutely, positively can not make the journey upstairs. The upstairs is striving to be classy and snooty. Obviously old Huggies baby wipe containers with cracked lids scream something other than polished and sophisticated. Oh, and my choice of paint colors cannot be ridiculous and give visitors to the living room (which is visible from my craft room) a headache.
No problemo, si? No, not si.
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Monday, November 7, 2011
I Finally Saw 'Fight Club'. I Will Never Be the Same.
This weekend I tackled some of my movie homework. I've been avoiding it because some of the movies are either scary or disturbing and I so don't like to be scared. Or disturbed.
Saturday was a bright, sunny day and I figured it would be the perfect day to watch (in my opinion) the scariest movie on my list, 'Silence of the Lambs'. Sadly, both copies were rented at the video store, so I went with another movie on the list, 'Fight Club'.
*side note: When ponying up the dollar to rent 'Fight Club' the clerk informed me that I had incurred a four dollar fee for the late return of 'Titanic 2'. Well, that's a head scratcher. I'd never rented 'Titanic 2' for a variety of reasons, namely I didn't like the first Titanic and seriously, 'Titanic 2'? How can you possibly make a sequel to that movie? The boat sank, people. The. Boat. Sank. End of story. No sequel. And, after me confronting the clerk about it, no late fee. :)
Instinctively I know this movie will disturb me. I tried to get out of it by texting the perpetrator of the list.
She's being a stickler.
As I'm sure all of you know, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club. The second rule is that you don't talk about Fight Club.
Since I'm a rule follower by nature, this effectively ends my blog post.
Sorry.
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Saturday was a bright, sunny day and I figured it would be the perfect day to watch (in my opinion) the scariest movie on my list, 'Silence of the Lambs'. Sadly, both copies were rented at the video store, so I went with another movie on the list, 'Fight Club'.
*side note: When ponying up the dollar to rent 'Fight Club' the clerk informed me that I had incurred a four dollar fee for the late return of 'Titanic 2'. Well, that's a head scratcher. I'd never rented 'Titanic 2' for a variety of reasons, namely I didn't like the first Titanic and seriously, 'Titanic 2'? How can you possibly make a sequel to that movie? The boat sank, people. The. Boat. Sank. End of story. No sequel. And, after me confronting the clerk about it, no late fee. :)
Instinctively I know this movie will disturb me. I tried to get out of it by texting the perpetrator of the list.
She's being a stickler.
As I'm sure all of you know, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club. The second rule is that you don't talk about Fight Club.
Since I'm a rule follower by nature, this effectively ends my blog post.
Sorry.
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Thursday, November 3, 2011
Should Have Just Gotten on the Treadmill
Yesterday I found myself absolutely, positively not wanting to run on my treadmill. Neither the lure of truly cheesy TV nor the siren song of truly cheesy 80s music were enough to get me down to the basement and on the treadmill.
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Don't even think of suggesting that I run outside. Even though the corn has been harvested, running outside still frightens me. I'm a total weenie-tot. A total weenie-tot on her way to becoming a very jiggly weenie-tot if some form of exercising didn't happen.
Enter Zumba for the Wii on sale at Target this week. Sure, I have no rhythm and can't dance. What's your point? It's destiny, kids. Destiny.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
The City Museum
Remember waaaaaay back to January when I made the New Year's resolution to be a more culturally diverse person? I made it a point this year to do more culturally sophisticated stuff like go to museums and attend concerts. I saw our mini vacation to St. Louis no differently and we headed to a museum.
The City Museum.
This is a museum like no other. I've been processing the whole experience for the last few days because it just blew my mind. I walked around for five hours completely overwhelmed by one man's (Bob Cassilly) vision and creativity.
An accurate description of this place would be Dr. Seuss gets stuff destined for an industrial landfill and creates a real life Chutes and Ladders game.
Amazingly crazy stuff, man. Cr. A. Zy.
Who looks at a school bus and wonders what it would look like dangling off the edge of a ten story building?
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The City Museum.
This is a museum like no other. I've been processing the whole experience for the last few days because it just blew my mind. I walked around for five hours completely overwhelmed by one man's (Bob Cassilly) vision and creativity.
An accurate description of this place would be Dr. Seuss gets stuff destined for an industrial landfill and creates a real life Chutes and Ladders game.
Amazingly crazy stuff, man. Cr. A. Zy.
Who looks at a school bus and wonders what it would look like dangling off the edge of a ten story building?
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Tuesday, November 1, 2011
What Is Most Appalling About Me
My kids had a long weekend off from school, so we packed up the Honda and headed to St. Louis to visit family. And see the big Arch. I'm a such a sucker for a really big arch.
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