Preparing or Panicking?

There is (allegedly) a massive winter storm heading my way. It will (allegedly) be cold, windy, snowy, and icy. I copied this directly from my local TV station's website:

Weather Forecast For Today

Weather Forecast From Where You Live

Updated: Sunday, 30 Jan 2011, 7:20 PM EST
Published : Thursday, 06 Aug 2009, 3:23 PM EDT

Heavy snow, sleet, wind, some freezing rain & brutally cold temperatures will make travel next to impossible by Wednesday morning.

This is my immediate future (allegedly). I am not amused (for real). 


Even though I bought my groceries for the week a scant twenty-four hours ago, I felt compelled to go to the grocery store this morning to buy what I am calling my Blizzard Survival Kit. My husband would call it Panic Shopping For French Toast Ingredients. Puh-tay-to. Puh-tot-o.


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Love, Exciting And New

Can you see the three birds in this tree? Female cardinals? They're the ladies in this story. 
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My Fear of Trees

A couple of days ago I was attacked by a tree. This single attack brought back a latent childhood fear.


It was perhaps the most petrifying aspect of my childhood, which was wrought with such terror over things like hair that wouldn't feather just right, throwing up at school, and the telephone. The phone's a later post … maybe. I still have issues to work out with phones.


Anyhoo, I was afraid of a tree.

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When Good Trees Go Bad

Tuesday afternoon I was attacked in the parking lot of the video store. In broad daylight. At 3:08 in the afternoon. My heart beats wildly just remembering it. 

I wasn't attacked for my purse or even my jiggly parts. My attacker didn't even want my freshly rented copy of the 1987 classic Wall Street. My attack was much more personal than that. 

My attacker (gulp!) pulled my hair. Pulled. My. Hair. As in my hair was grabbed and not let go. As in tendril tugged. As in a follicle assault. 

I am traumatized. 

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11 Thoughts About My Weekend Watching the Star Wars Trilogy

1. I have never seen all of The Empire Strikes Back. There. I said it. Stone me now. In all seriousness, every time I try to watch all three movies of any trilogy I end up falling asleep about fifteen minutes into the second movie. Happens every time. 


2. Happened this time, too, but I was only out for about twenty minutes. I was able to pick up on the plot, which is good because my husband refused to rewind the dang DVD so I could catch up. Be kind, rewind man.

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Hello Lover

Hello lover.

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God Wants Me to Eat Biscuits

I love biscuits. Any kind of biscuit. Plain. Garlic Cheddar. Cinnamon Sugar. Cheese and Bacon. Buttermilk. Hot and buttery and keep 'em comin'. I think I'm part Southern.


More mornings than I care to admit, I find myself sitting in the McDonald's drive-thru ordering a plain biscuit and a large Diet Coke. This morning was no exception … except that I accidentally received a large Coke by mistake, took a sip, gagged, and had to immediately rectify the situation. I don't like regular, straight up Coke. It makes me gag.

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Ten Things ...

I'm feeling very random today, so I've decided to post the next ten things that pop into my head. I apologize in advance. And please don't judge me. I'm a deeply disturbed person, prone to fits of randomness. 


1. Ever heard the expression "It's colder than a well digger's fingernail"? No? Sorry. You probably won't be impressed that expression was the first thing I thought of when I felt how cold it was outside this morning. You probably won't be impressed to know that my neighbors are having a well drilled at this very moment. And there are well diggers present. It is taking personal strength the likes of which I didn't know I owned to not run over to the well drillers and feel their fingernails. Feeling their hands is not a proper introduction and it's just not classy.

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2011 Cultural Update

This is the year of culture in my house. It's my quasi-New Year's resolution. Please note that it's only January 18th and I've already been to a museum and the theater. Museum and theater said read, of course, with a snooty tone.


So far, I know you're impressed with what I've accomplish thus far. An art museum and the theater? How does she do it? A normal person would just leave the story there and not publicly acknowledge any mishaps or instances. But you've got me and, generally, I tell everything I know. And in case you haven't guessed it, something happened at the theater.

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I'm, Like, So Mature

Based on reading my previous posts, you probably concluded that I'm a very serious, mature person. A real grown up. Most likely, you hold me in the highest order, right up there with the Queen of England and Bono. Real dignified types.


Sit down, buckle up, and hold on 'cause I'm about to flip your picnic table: sometimes I'm not mature. I don't act like a grown-ass woman. 

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I Don't Hate Horses ...

This morning it was snowing. Snowing those giant, white, gentle snowflakes that I kinda (in the most minimal way ever) like. Because you know how much I don't like winter, including snow.

I decided to amuse myself by photographing the horses living in my backyard. Interesting choice, considering that I'm not a winter fan, nor am I really a horse fan. 

Oh, stop! Don't write me letters. I didn't say I hated horses, I'm just not a big fan. I'm not afraid of horses. I don't think they are going to eat me or come at me wielding an axe or anything. I'm merely apprehensive around them. My apprehension stems (of course) from an incident.

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An Ice Cube With a Dream

It's Monday. It's cold. It's hard to get motivated to exercise on mornings like this, but I sucked it up and got ready to get my biscuits on the treadmill.

I have a treadmill ritual involving attire, shoes, and beverage. The attire is layered because I live in the "wear layers or die" section of America. The shoes are always, always, always Nike. The beverage is always, always, always water with ice. Because I'm fancy that way.

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Finally! A Redeeming Quality About Winter

I do not like winter. I really, really do not like winter. Every year I try to find a single redeeming quality about this season. I may have found it.

This was the sunrise on Friday morning. Gaw-jus, isn't it? The redeeming quality, you ask? In the winter, sunrise is at 8:24 am. Not 5:24 like in the summer. To see something this spectacular without getting up early is a beautiful thing. And hons, that is a redeeming quality about winter.
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My Elvis Experience

King of Rock n Roll. Big E. Memphis Flash. Hillbilly Cat. Sir Swivel Hips. Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love. Thank you, thank you, thankyouverymuch. Elvis.


Today is Elvis' birthday. He would have been 76 years old. To celebrate, I'm going to tell you about my Elvis experience. And I apologize up front for the length of this story. I know that you've become accustomed to brevity from me. And I should preface the story by saying that I've never met the King. But My Elvis Experience is still a good story. A long story, but a good one.


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I'm such a slug

It's winter. It's cold. It's about this time every year that body parts start freezing and falling off me. I hate that. This year I have the perfect weapon to combat the cold: the Sunbeam heated mattress pad. With dual control (dual controls being the key to a successful marriage).

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Andy, Madeline, and a Potty That Wouldn't Stop or (subtitle) My Trip to the Art Museum

In keeping with my New Year's resolution to be more sophisticated daaahhhlings, I visited an art museum. This particular art museum featured three items of interest: a rather large Andy Warhol exhibit, Madeleine Albright's "Read My Pins" collection, and a potty that wouldn't stop. Let's tackle that information one item at a time. 


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New Year's Resolutions

Happy 2011! 1-1-11. How cool is that?


Can you believe it's 2011 already? When I was a kid, I always figured that by the time 2011 rolled around, I'd be tooling around town in a flying car a la George Jetson. The reality is that it's 2011 and I'm tooling around town in a red Pilot a la Honda.

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