Why the Discovery Channel Will Never Come to My House

Monday night I was making dinner. It was a new recipe that called for canned salmon. I've never used canned salmon, but I like salmon fillets so I thought I'd give canned salmon a whirl.

I'm so culinarily adventurous.

What I didn't know then was that canned salmon contained bones. Many bones. And vertebrae. An entire spine of vertebrae. Or two. Apparently I uncovered a very rare double-spined salmon.

Which caused my mind to wonder if we should eat the salmon or save it for scientific studies.

Then I wondered when the Discovery Channel camera crews would arrive, begging me to let them make a documentary on the rare double-spined salmon and the hauntingly attractive non-jiggly 38 year old Midwestern hottie that found it.

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