Tree-Athletes

Every Sunday I buy the local newspaper. I buy it mainly for the sales ads and coupons, but sometimes (if I'm feeling especially interested in current events) I will peruse the wedding announcements and read my horoscope. Even more rarely than weddings and horoscopes, I actually read the news stories. To be honest, I only read the stories whenever I realize that I don't remember the last time I got my news from a source other than E! or David Letterman. It's sad, but true.

This past Sunday I was enjoying an article about the sport of tree climbing. That's right. I said the sport tree climbing. Hons, it's a professional sport. No joke. People get paid to climb trees. Once again, my high school guidance counselor failed me because I was not aware that climbing trees could be a profession. Who knows? I might have really excelled at that.

The paper said they aren't triathletes, but tree-athletes.

Get it? Tree-ahtletes? 'Cause they climb trees?

*Snort, snort. Giggle giggle.

Tree-athletes. That's funny, right?

*sound of crickets chirping

Tree-atheletes. Well, I think it's funny.

The article in the paper wasn't all about fun and games though. Tree climbing is very serious and OSHA ranks jobs in the timber industry as the second most dangerous (first being those Deadliest Catch guys). States hold tree climbing competitions as a way to have fun, but also as a way to gain new info on safety and technique because being forty feet up a red oak is not something that should be taken lightly.

Know what the best part about this article was? Nope, not the tree-athletes joke (although it's pretty awesome). The best part was it's location in the newspaper. It was the lead story above the fold on the front page of the Local section. With a giant, full color photo of the guy who won Michigan's competition up in a tree with his ropes, safety goggles, and hard hat ringing a bell to signify how high up in the tree he climbed. It's a spectacular spot in the paper.

Know what small article is tucked immediately to the left of the professional tree climbing/safety story? One about a thirteen year old boy who was stuck in a tree for two hours.


Stuck in a tree for two hours.

Can you appreciate the irony here, people?

Clearly the boy won't be going pro any time soon. Pin It Now!