A Phone Conversation With My Grandmother

My Grandmother called me on Saturday. Talking to her on the phone is always a trip. She wanted me to know that she read my blog post about her and that she approved of it.

Here is a snippet of our conversation.

Grandmother: I read your newspaper article about me. I didn't know you were a reporter.

Me: I'm not a reporter. I wrote a blog post about you. Anyone can have a blog.

Grandmother: Well, you missed your calling. You should have been a reporter.

Me: Nah. Reporters are restricted to facts. I like bending the facts to amuse myself.

Grandmother: That is true. You do that. I thought the article was hilarious. I laughed and cackled all the way through it. I didn't like my photo though.

Me: Thanks! Why didn't you like the photo? I think it's fabulous.

Grandmother: It is a fabulous photo. Of the zucchini. Not of me.

Me: I disagree. I think it's a great picture of you. Why don't you like it?

Grandmother: It shows a lot of wrinkles. I don't think I have that many wrinkles. Hey, I stopped by my fiancé's office on Wednesday.

Me (completely and utterly shocked): What?! You have a fiancé?! You're engaged?!

Grandmother (calmly): Yeah. Don Rickles is my fiancé. You knew that.

Me: I most certainly DID NOT know that! I didn't even know that you knew Don Rickles. And now you're engaged to the man.

Grandmother: Did I say fiancé? I meant financer guy. Don Rickles does my finances.

Me: Don Rickles helps you with your finances?

Grandmother: NO! Not Don Rickles. Dan Rickles. Or Rickleschmidt. Something like that. I stopped by his office to show him the newspaper article you wrote about me.

Me: It's not a newspaper article.

Grandmother: Well it should be. I wanted him to know that I'm famous. I made him read it. And Cindy, his secretary. Pretty much had the whole office read it. It's very good you know.

Me: Thanks. I feel so honored that Don Rickles likes my writing style.

Grandmother: You should feel honored. The man is a good financial planner and a comedic wizard.



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