The red carpet arrivals are always fun. They used to be more fun when Cher was, well, Cher and in something so whacked-out that you just knew it was going to end up on a Collector's Edition Barbie later that year.
Gawd, I miss whacked-out Cher! Everyone looks so perfect and so lovely now that it's hard to decide who looks best. Guess that is what the Fashion Police do best - give out awards to what people are wearing to the awards. Actually, that's kinda genius. I'm a bit surprised that the limo people haven't jumped all over the idea of giving awards to the limo drivers just for getting celebrities to the awards. "And the award for best pull up to the curb goes to …".
I actually like the opening monologues, especially when the host is making fun of the nominees and the nominees don't realize it. They just keep smiling that fake frozen smile and nod their head all the while having no idea that 1.5 billion people are laughing at their expense. In the opening (usually) there is some type of recap of events since the last great gathering of These People. The recap bores some viewers, but I like it because I don't really watch the news. Yep, I get most of my news from Letterman and the beginning of awards shows. I needed to watch the Country Music Awards to know that there was a massive flood in Tennessee. Who knew?
My favorite part of awards ceremonies happens when they pay tribute to those big deal-type of people who have died during that year. Usually this involves flashing the deceased peoples pictures up on a screen while someone sings a reverent and (preferably) Top 40 hit tune. You know you are somebody when you get your own special tribute at an awards ceremony, more than merely getting your picture up on screen. Like Aaron Spelling at the Emmys. He had a separate segment set aside for his kudos and accolades. Oh kids, that was such a fabulous tribute! I so want the remaining living Charlie's Angels to memorialize me on stage when I go.
There's always that moment of suspense-building hesitation the presenters have in between reading the nominees' names and the winner's name. The directors of awards shows know the score and don't kill that moment by sliding to a commercial break or anything jackassy like that. Build suspense, end suspense. Your audience could stage a revolt and change the channel to Antiques Roadshow at a moments notice.
Most of the time I like the speeches that the winners give. I always tear up when the winner mentions his/her parents unwavering support and really, who didn't cry the ugly cry along with Halle Berry when she won her Oscar? Winners, don't forget to mention the fans. That's always a real crowd pleaser. And don't you just cringe when the director of the show starts playing the "shut up" music when some fool isn't anywhere near done with his acceptance speech, but has gone over the allotted time? I hate that. Just let 'em speak. They know this is their one shot on stage and some of us have diarrhea of the mouth. You know, it doesn't even bother me when a winner decides to forgo the usual thank you speech in favor of making a political statement. Sure, I'd rather not hear some turd rattle on about white supremacy, but this is America. If someone wants to look like an ass on tv, we let 'em.
The only time that I really get ticked during an acceptance speech is when the winner says something to the effect that "never in his/her wildest dreams did he/she ever dream of winning this award". That, my friends, is a load of monkey poo. Who hasn't dreamed of winning a major award? Shoot, I imagine myself winning major awards at least four times a week. Just this morning as I was blow drying my hair I gave an acceptance speech. Grammy. For Best New Artist. It was an excellent speech and hopefully I didn't make an ass of myself. I kept it short and non-political. You know, for the fans.
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