It's My Birthday And I'll Shoot Stuff If I Want To

Here's a little something that you probably didn't know about me: my vision and I had a falling out years ago.

Perfect sight began to leave me in 2nd Grade and continued a steady and rapid decline until 8th Grade when I was declared legally blind. That fact makes it sound worse than it really is, so let me clarify. Legally blind without corrective eye wear. Like glasses or contacts. I'm like, totally legit to drive and crap. If I wear my contact lenses. Without the lenses, fuhgeddaboudit. I can't even find the car.

Rest assured, fellow citizens. With the aid of contact lenses, my vision is restored to 20/30 and I can lead a totally productive life, if I so choose.

And I would like to point out that I was in 8th Grade in 1984. AKA the height of the big glasses fad.

I should probably point out that I have a smallish head and face, so those big glasses looked amazing on me.

If amazing has an alternate definition of 'makes one look like a complete and utter spazz'.

My husband's vision is 20/15 and he rarely lets me forget it. The butthead.

I say that because of the following conversation:

Me: Hey, I think I know what I want to do for my fortieth birthday.
Husband: Oh yeah? What?
Me: Well, there are three things I'd like to do. Go to Chuck E. Cheese and force everyone in the family to play Skeeball with me thus creaming you all of course, go to the gun range, and have a slumber party.
Husband (visibly shaken): The gun range?
Me: Yep. You know, to shoot stuff.
Husband: Like with an actual gun?
Me: Yep. That's how it's done, right?
Husband: Yeah …
Me: Don't you think that'd be a hoot? I've always wanted to shoot stuff.

Long pause here while my husband rubs his temples like he's developing a headache.

Me (really warming up to my subject): You know, I bet I'm a dead-eye and I just don't know it yet! It's probably one of my many as-of-yet untapped talents and I'm a complete crack shot, scoring a bullseye with every shot. Huh. With a few weeks practice, I will probably be recruited for sniper school or something.
Husband: Hold on. You're forgetting one thing: you can't see worth a crap. You were just complaining last week about how every photo you take is blurry when enlarged because you can't see the details of your subject clearly enough to manually focus the camera. I, on the other hand, have perfect vision … better than perfect in fact. 20/15.
Me: Butthead.

It's my birthday and I'll go shoot stuff with my atrocious vision if I want to.

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