Disney World circa 1980

When I was a kid, occasionally my family would hijack my grandparent's motor home, park it at a small lake 45 minutes away from my house for a few days, and call it a vacation.

This vacation was fine with me. Sure we were a family of four crammed into an RV for seven days with a working toilet that my dad refused to let anyone use, but my parents brought along the nine inch black and white TV so I was (quite literally) a happy camper. I could watch Eight Is Enough reruns and munch Doritos with my sister on the sofa/pull out bed/dining table thingy.

My needs were simple.

Then, for some inexplicable reason, my family decided to go to Disney World when I was in second grade.

My first thoughts upon hearing the news? Disney World! Hot dog - that's the coup de grace! Then I quoted Jimmie Walker with a hand smack and a loud "Dyn-o-mite!"

Yeah. I was cool then, too.

Anyhoo … the hitch? We were driving. All together. In a 1977 Oldsmobile. For sixteen hours. All together. From Indiana to Orlando.

Picture it: Dad driving. Mom passengering (note I did not say navigating. Let me just say I get my mad navigation skills from her). That left the backseat for my sister and myself.

My sister, being the oldest, took it upon herself to make the final transportation arrangements for the back seat. Here is the entire conversation and yes I still remember it clearly even though it was thirty-one years ago for crying out loud. Some things just stick with you.

She announced with complete confidence: The backseat is mine. You are free to sit anywhere else.

Me (puzzled, as per the norm): What do you mean?

Her: I'm the oldest. I make the rules. The backseat is mine. You can sit on the floor or lay down in the back window. I don't care which.

Me (lower lip trembling a bit): I guess I'll take the floor.

Thirty-one years later, two thoughts stick out for me.

One: I should have grabbed the back window, man. What was I thinking grabbing the floor? Foolish, foolish second grade me! It would have been way cooler laying in the back window waving at semis than riding on the floor looking at everyone's feet. Besides, I could have worked on my tan laying in the back window.

Two: One child hogging the backseat of the car while the other one lies huddled on the floor amidst the Hubba Bubba wrappers, loose gravel, and McDonald's napkins. Are you kidding me? This arrangement was fine with my parents. Seriously. I can not stress this enough. The seating arrangement was fine with them. For sixteen hours. From Indiana to Florida. Granted, seat belts weren't mandatory, but the floor? Geez Louise. I could have died.

No wonder I have issues.

I pitched a big enough fit about it at Tomorrowland that I was allowed to sit on the seat riding home. The actual seat. 

Sweet victory! Well played, second grade me. Well played. Pin It Now!