Nothing Wakes Up The Nutcracker Like A Little Wild Turkey

My New Year's Resolution this year was to become a more culturally diverse person. So far, I've been to an art museum, attended a concert, and visited a sculpture garden. 2011 is winding down and I thought that my cultural opportunities were pretty much done for this year.

Enter The Nutcracker. I've never been to the ballet and I've never seen The Nutcracker … well, I've seen Barbie in The Nutcracker (her first movie), but that doesn't really count. Last night I had the opportunity to see the New York City Ballet dance The Nutcracker. And it was amazing.

Through the magic of a live feed, I was able to sit in my local movie theater, munch on popcorn, and watch the dancers on stage (almost eight hundred miles away) in New York City's Lincoln Center.

Logistically, I didn't think I'd be able to see this show. Lots of activities make up our Tuesday nights, so trying to add in one more thing while juggling the rest was challenging. I thought I had the logistics all figured out until I realized that there was no time for my husband and I to eat dinner before the start of the show.

Me: Well, I think I've figured everything out. Except for a few minutes for us to eat dinner.
Husband: No problem, we can just grab McDonald's on the way and eat it in the car.
Me: … you do see the irony in that statement, right? Eating McDonald's in the car while on the way to see the ballet … clash of cultures, my friend. Worlds are colliding.

Fortunately we didn't have to resort to eating Big Macs in the Pilot. Instead, we shared a jumbo popcorn from the movie's concession stand. I think it classed up the evening more than a burger and fries, don't you?

Right from the opening shot of the orchestra's conductor, I was hooked. The dancers were beautiful and incredibly talented. Of course, looking at the ballerinas was quite a bit like looking in a mirror for me because I'm tall, slender, and very graceful.

Okay, maybe it wasn't exactly like looking in a mirror.

I loved the show. Absolutely everything about it: the dancing, the stage decorations, the music. It was fabulous … except for the two older women sitting three rows in front of me who wouldn't stop talking. Through the entire ballet. And when the music swelled and got louder, so did they.

The rudeness wasn't entirely their fault, however. I believe it was the Wild Turkey they'd been nipping on all evening. Seriously. Wild Turkey at the ballet. The constant talking was irritating. As was the cackling like it's a comedy. Hello? This is The Nutcracker, not Uncle Buck. These Wild Turkey sots were so irritating that sometime during the second act (probably when the lovely, lovely Sugar Plum Fairy is dancing her solo), I thought the guy next to me was going to stand up and yell 'Ladies! Shut your booze holes!'

The rest of the audience would have applauded.

I don't know if I was high from the Wild Turkey fumes or what, but during the the dance between the Prince and the Sugar Plum Fairy I leaned over to my husband and said, 'We could dance like that if, you know, we took a couple of lessons at Arthur Murray or something.' The look I received confirmed my belief that it was the Wild Turkey talking.

I loved The Nutcracker. If you ever get a chance to see it performed you should go. It's fantastic. And Mother Ginger would make any drag queen proud.

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