My Grandmother. She's Small, But Mighty.

Yesterday I packed up the family and we headed over to central Illinois to visit my Grandmother. Visits to my Grandmother's house always involve two things: shopping at the mall and eating lunch in a fancy restaurant.

It took Grandmother a while to answer the door. I know she's ninety-six and a half years old. But it took her longer to answer the door than usual. The ensuing conversation:

Me: It took you a while to answer the door.

Grandmother: Well I was watching TV. TV is just awful now, isn't it?

Me: Some of it. What were you watching?

Grandmother: Jerry Springer.

True story. Lord help us all.

My husband drove everyone to the mall and Grandmother sat up in the front seat of the Pilot with him. She really likes to sit up there and always, always claps her hands together and comments 'Wow! Nice wheels! You can really see the world from up here, can't you?'.

After buzzing around the mall, we popped into Steak N Shake. While we dined in style on our steak burgers and skinny fries, Grandmother dropped many hints that she would like to go somewhere else the next time we visit. This other place, she said, has fries, a piece of Texas toast, and four, count 'em four, chicken fingers.

All for $3.99.

She did admit that this other place wasn't as nice as Steak N Shake, meaning there is no waitress/waiter,  no fork rolled up in a paper napkin, and you have to seat yourself. But you get fries, a piece of Texas toast, and four, count 'em four, chicken fingers.

All for $3.99.

What is this wonderful, although not as highfalutin as Steak N Shake, dining establishment?

Dairy Queen.

I made a note to go to Dairy Queen on our next visit. Homegirl needs her piece of Texas toast.

As we were saying our goodbyes, it struck me how much I tower over my Grandmother. Yes, I'm quite Amazonian at 5'2", I know. Buh-lieve me I know how stinking tall I am. 5'2" is practically a giant, for crying out loud.

But seriously, I tower over Grandmother.

This thought bothered me because my Grandmother has always been taller than me.

As I was getting ready to leave by putting on my lovely red fuzzy scarf, my Grandmother pipes up and says, 'You shouldn't wear your scarf like that. Somebody will come up and strangle you dead with it. I mean, it's a pretty scarf and all, but is it worth being strangled dead? I think not.'

Then she proceeded to show me how I could possibly be strangled with my scarf by actually strangling me. I had to bug my eyes out and wave my arms around frantically in order to get her to stop with the demonstration.

At that moment I realized that she might be shorter than me now, but she's freakishly strong in the strangling department.

My Grandmother. She's small, but mighty. Pin It Now!